The Christmas season is often painted as a time of joy, connection, and celebration, but for many trauma survivors, it can be one of the most challenging times of the year. Estrangement, isolation, grief, depression, and the pressure to meet societal expectations of ‘holiday cheer’ can feel overwhelming.
If someone in your life is navigating this season while carrying the weight of trauma, here are some intentional ways you can support them with care, compassion, and understanding.
Understand Their Boundaries and Needs
The holiday season can often come with invitations to gatherings or expectations to participate in family traditions. For trauma survivors, these can feel emotionally unsafe or triggering.
Asking open questions like “What would feel comfortable for you this holiday season?” or “How can I support you right now?” can create an opportunity for acknowledgment and connection.
These questions can be the beginning of creating a space for survivors to express their needs and define their boundaries. It is important to respect their answers without trying to persuade or guilt them into joining activities they’ve declined. Creating space for their needs empowers them, and shows that their well-being is more important than tradition.
Provide a Safe, Non-Judgmental Space
Many survivors feel isolated because they struggle to share their feelings in environments that expect constant positivity. Let them know it’s okay to talk about how they’re really feeling, even if it’s not festive. A simple, heartfelt conversation or invitation of “I’m here to listen if you want to talk or just need some quiet company.” can make a world of difference.
Include Them in Ways That Feel Right
Estrangement or loss can make holiday traditions especially painful. There is a deep overwhelm of grief and comparison as survivors navigate the public perception of what family is meant to look like compared to what they have in their lived experience and reality. If someone is navigating this, offer to create new traditions with them or adapt existing ones.
I suggest hosting a quiet dinner rather than a large party, watching a movie together instead of attending a big event or inviting them to a casual catch-up without the pressure of holiday formalities.
It’s the thoughtfulness behind the invitation that matters most.
Check-in Regularly
Loneliness can feel heavier during the holiday season. A simple text, call, or visit to remind them they’re not alone can make a big impact. A conversation starter of “I was thinking of you today – how are you doing?” or “Just a quick note to let you know you’re loved.” can seem like small gestures, but they can help break through the isolation. Offering practical help can also support survivors when the loneliness and grief become too much. You can lighten the load by offering to cook a meal or baking together, helping with errands or holiday preparations or offering a lift to an appointment or gathering.
Even small acts of kindness can alleviate some of the stress they’re carrying.
Be Mindful of Triggers & Focus on Self-Care
For trauma survivors, certain sights, sounds, or conversations can bring up painful memories. Avoid pushing topics like estranged family relationships, past traumas, or anything else they’ve expressed discomfort about. Instead, focus on neutral or uplifting topics that create a sense of safety and ease.
Gently remind them that it’s okay to prioritise their mental health. Share ideas or join them in self-care-focused activities like taking a quiet walk in nature, setting aside time for mindfulness or breathwork or creating a cozy space for journaling, reading, or resting.
Your support in creating these moments of calm can make a significant difference.
Healing from trauma isn’t linear, and emotions can be unpredictable, especially during such a charged time of year. Patience, understanding, and unconditional love can remind survivors they are seen, valued, and cared for – just as they are.
The Christmas season doesn’t need to look like the movies to be meaningful. For trauma survivors, it’s often the quiet, intentional acts of support that bring the greatest comfort. By honouring their boundaries, showing up with kindness, and offering your presence, you can help make this season a little brighter and more bearable for those who find it difficult.
And remember taking care of yourself is just as important. Supporting someone else is easier when you’re grounded and in your own self-care and love toward yourself.
This holiday season, let’s create spaces of truth, connection, and love with one small act at a time.
Remember, my door is always open so if you need additional support please email me or reach out to the resources available here.
